Inside My Heart - An Introduction

I’ve struggled with the emotional pain of learning I have an incompetent cervix, the emotional trauma of my baby’s near death and watching her go through months in the NICU because of my failed womb, and the frustrations with the lack of understanding from those who’ve never had such an issue and often make insensitive comments implying I should never try again for more children, or asking silly questions assuming I did something to cause my incompetent cervix and the early birth of my baby girl. I’ve spent a lot of time cursing my body for failing me because of my incompetent cervix and inability to carry my youngest daughter to full term, as well as feeling as if I had been given a life sentence to never have another child.  At some point, I realized I had to stop feeling this way and ether do something about it or move on with life.  I've spent a lot of time researching what happened with my last pregnancy and understanding that I am not alone. There are many, many women who also share a similar experience.

My intent with this blog is to chronicle my pregnancy weekly and share the ups and downs of pregnancy after incompetent cervix, as well as offer hope to other women who’ve also had an incompetent cervix and may believe, either from opinions of concerned family and friends, or personal fears, that pregnancy after a failed cervix is impossible. I have nothing to do with the medical field, I am just a mom who wanted a large family and thought it was out of my realm of reality. This blog is not intended to replace medical advice from your OB/GYN. It is only a journal of my personal experience and a sharing tool to help others with what I have learned about my specific situation.  A doctor should always be consulted prior to attempting to get pregnant again after a diagnosis of incompetent cervix. A side note to warn my readers as this blog will be a realistic and honest view of what I have gone through to make having a family a possibility. Some of the content may be graphic in nature as I describe my journey in detail and some of the procedures necessary to sustain a full term pregnancy after incompetent cervix.


In my quest to heal emotionally after my daughter’s early birth, I have spoken with many women who have also had similar struggles with incompetent cervix and most have shared feeling as if they too feel incompetent to ever carry a child full term because their bodies failed them before. On the other hand, I have also spoken with many in the medical community who have seen, and helped women who have previously had an incompetent cervix carry a baby to full-term or darn near close. I began to realize through my journey of rebuilding my broken heart and strengthening my family as a whole that I had actually not been given a life sentence.  Instead, my body had given me an opportunity to dig deeper into what I wanted out of life, what made me happy, and to come to terms with the fact that we cannot control how others react to decisions we make in life. We just have to move forward and do what we feel is best for our life and the life of our family.

Let me begin by saying that getting pregnant with our third child was not an accident, my husband and I planned to have another baby. Last year when we made the decision to try again for one more child, I did my homework. I began taking prenatal vitamins, folic acid, vitamin B6, vitamin B12, and vitamin D3 so this time around I would be prepared. I also spoke with my doctor to make sure he felt it was a possibility for me to carry a child to full-term now knowing what we were dealing with.  He explained what I would be up against with some of the risks, but also felt if I wanted another baby it was definitely within the realm of reality. My husband and I chose not to discuss our plans with others because we knew that given what happened with my last pregnancy, people would not understand.  

However, when I didn’t get pregnant we decided to move on with our lives and made the decision to go back on birth control, count our blessings, and be happy with the current size of our family especially given everything we had been through previously. Ironically, a little over a month after making this decision we discovered that I was pregnant. We were hesitant to announce the news right away.  Many people who don’t know our story might find this odd, especially since we had been hoping for one more child to complete our family. By all accounts, new life is generally cause for celebration. And yet, we debated. It’s not that we weren’t excited about our news. On the contrary, we couldn’t contain our excitement. We wanted to shout it out loud to the world – anyone who would listen.

But we hesitated; we wanted to keep the news private for just a bit longer.  We knew we would face criticism. We knew people would ask or hint at insensitive questions like “Did you plan to have another child?” But the question wouldn’t be an innocent interest, it would be an accusation. My husband and I are both adults, we waited until later in life to have children.  We don’t feel we need to offer explanations to anyone on why we chose to have another child.  So if we didn’t care what people thought, and we planned the pregnancy, why did we hesitate to announce the news right away?   In order to understand, it is important to go back a few steps prior to this pregnancy.

Find out the answer to this question in my next post...