GUEST POST: Trisha's Story

In my post last week, I mentioned that I would be publishing a Guest Post from one of my readers who delivered her first child at 26 weeks. Please meet Trisha. After surviving the harrowing experience of the NICU, she and her husband debated on whether or not to have another child.  She has decided to share her story in the hopes that it will help someone who may be thinking of becoming pregnant again after delivering a pre-term baby.  Read her inspirational story below and feel free to leave comments for her.

GUEST POST: Trisha's Story

Horrible, terrifying, agonizing and helpless....not quite the words most women use to describe the birth of their first child. But for me, those words are spot on. I can't describe it any other way.  I remember the doctors telling me that if my son did live, he'd have about a 70% chance of survival, could be born blind, deaf and with cerebral palsy. You see, I was in labor at just 26 weeks with my first child, a baby boy. I knew it was early, way too early for a baby to be born. He arrived 14 weeks early on a Wednesday morning. He was not born crying and they did not lay him on my chest when he was born. Clinging to life, he weighed just 2 lbs, 5 oz. I didn't even get the chance to meet him until hours later. 

Trisha and her baby boy born at 26 weeks, 2lbs 5oz.

I knew my son would be tiny, but the sight of him brought me to my knees. This little baby, so helpless, hooked up to so many wires and machines. His eyes were still fused shut, a glaring reminder at just how early he was born. I wanted to hold him, comfort him, but I was not allowed. I was not allowed to hold my own baby. I waited 6 long days to actually hold my son. The NICU became my second home. I spent every free second there, and honestly, there was no other place I needed or wanted to be. I learned to speak the preemie language, apnea, bradycardia, IVH, ROP, CPAP, NEC, and the list goes on. I remember the reassuring news that my son only had grade 1 bleeding on both sides of his brain. I distinctly remember the day he took a breath on his own, without the assistance of a ventilator, CPAP or cannula. I remember the nurses, some of them so wonderful, kind and caring but some of them so cold and callous. The NICU is a rollercoaster ride. There are ups and downs and things literally change on a moments notice. I remember the fear, it was constant and overwhelming. I made 2am and 4am calls to check on my son. Every time my phone rang, my heart stopped. But thankfully, the phone call I dreaded for over two months never came.

My son spent 67 days in the NICU, which is amazing for a 26 weeker. He was eating and breathing and in my house, weeks before he should have even been born. Today he is a healthy 2 year old boy. I have sought out the opinions of several high risk OBs and none can explain his early arrival. A fluke is their only explanation. I do believe this happened for a reason, perhaps to make me a better mother, or have more patience, or to be more understanding. I do not take one single thing about my son for granted, and maybe that is the greatest lesson of all.

The decision to expand our family was not easy. After having a premature baby, my whole life was turned upside down. I couldn't just decide to have a second baby, it's something my husband and I had to discuss thoroughly and with careful consideration. We knew the chances of another preemie were higher after having one, and we knew what the potential outcomes could be for a child born so very early. We had to decide if we could handle a child with special needs, or one who may not ever walk, talk or communicate with us. We had to decide if we had the strength to make it through another NICU journey. Ultimately, we decided not to let fear dictate our lives. I have always wanted more than one child and most importantly, I wanted my son to have a sibling. Almost 17 months after having my son, we tried for number 2! Seeing those pink lines was scary, and I felt an almost sinking feeling. It's what I wanted, it was planned, but I was scared. Very scared. This time around I had a cerclage placed at 13 weeks, and am getting progesterone shots weekly. I am doing whatever it takes to get a "take home" baby this time around.

I am happy to say I am almost 32 weeks with a baby girl. I have made it almost past 6 weeks when I had my son and each day is truly a blessing. The most difficult part is that while I am so grateful that I have made it this far, it is a reminder that I didn't make it far with my son and the struggles he had to endure as a result. There are days when I am saddened at my birth experience with him and I hate that he may have struggles or issues that are a direct result of his prematurity. There are days I am filled with guilt and I thank God he will have no memory of his early days. But most days, I can say I am filled with pride, gratitude and optimism.

Trisha - mom to a 26 weeker!

UPDATE:  Trisha originally submitted her story on September 8^th, the same day that I delivered Triston.  She has since delivered her baby girl.  Congratulations Trisha on your beautiful baby girl! Here is her update in her own words.

Madeline born at 36 weeks 3 days, 6lbs 8 oz

“I had my daughter on Wed. Oct 12th. She was born at 36/3 days after I went into labor getting my cerclage out. Her bilirubin levels are high so we are doing photo therapy at home. She was discharged with me and hopefully she'll only needs the lights for a day or so. What a difference between at 26 and 36 weeker. "  -Trisha