Incompetent Me: A Purse String By Any Other Name

Standing in the bathroom staring at the pregnancy test on the counter I could hardly believe the results. Positive!! Holy Cow! Two weeks prior, feeling some familiar symptoms I had taken two pregnancy tests -- both were negative. I chalked up my exhaustion and strange food cravings to stress and trying to do to much. After all, I had just started a new weight lifting program that was kicking my butt and my youngest daughter, our micro-preemie, was soon to start some new developmental therapies. Keeping up with her current specialist doctor appointments and therapies alone was a full time job.

Nevertheless I had to giggle to myself. We had wanted one more child to complete our family and often spoke about it, but when it didn't happen we decided that life had something else planned for us. In fact, my last five cycles had suddenly become unpredictable and were no longer every 28 days like they had always been. I thought perhaps I was going into early stages of menopause. After all, I'm almost 39 and menopause in my family randomly strikes when it feels like it so it was a possibility. To think that in my early twenties I had been told my chances of even getting pregnant were slim, I couldn't help but smile thinking about my two beautiful daughters and the fact that was now pregnant again. I picked up the test and stared at the results. Two little lines. A little life was now growing and developing in my body!

"Now this is not to say that I take my faulty cervix lightly. It scares the hell out of me..."

I know some will think I am strange for saying this, but I love being pregnant. I think it is one of the most beautiful gifts in this world. When the second trimester hits and the baby begins to make kicks with impact to let you know he or she is there, it is exhilarating. It's the moment when the reality of your growing child in your womb really sets in. It's also a significant moment when your husband or significant other can experience the pregnancy with you and begin to connect with your unborn child.

Now don't get me wrong, the first trimester morning sickness (for me it is usually all day) is not great, but worth every moment you might have to lie on the cool bathroom floor waiting for the nausea to pass. I was diagnosed with systemic lupus the year prior to my pregnancy with my oldest daughter and had two serious flares during my pregnancy with her. With steroids I was able to safely maintain my pregnancy and carry my first daughter to 37 weeks when we did a scheduled induction due to the lupus. Despite any complications I may have suffered during either pregnancy, it was so worth my two beautiful children and the joy they bring to our lives. And amazingly the year after my oldest daughter was born (just before I got pregnant with my youngest), my lupus went into remission. Thanks to the help of yoga, meditation, and the power of positive affirmations I started to feel so much better. I've been symptom free for over three years!

"At 13 weeks pregnant I went in for my cervical cerclage, a procedure that sewed my cervix shut like a purse string, I was terrified."

My first trimester with my current pregnancy was awesome as far as first trimesters go. I had minimal morning sickness compared to my last two and my main complaint was severe exhaustion which has left now that I am in my second trimester. The main difference with this pregnancy has been my enormous appetite. For this reason, I’ve had so much hope for this pregnancy. Now this is not to say that I take my faulty cervix lightly. It scares the hell out of me even with all of the research I’ve done and all of the women I’ve spoken with who have been through this. But I’ve never been one to back down from something I have decided is right for me or my family. And this pregnancy is right for my family. In my heart, I knew there was one more little soul out there waiting to be part of our family and I have faith that everything will work out as it should.

Cervical Cerclage (TheDoctorsTV.com)

At 13 weeks pregnant I went in for my cervical cerclage, a procedure that sewed my cervix shut like a purse string, I was terrified. It’s not that I didn’t know what to expect. On the contrary, I was well versed in the procedure. I spoke with women who have been through it, I read about it, and I grilled my doctor with a million questions, yet I was still intimidated by the thought of what was about to happen to my body while I was pregnant. I agonized the night before on the risks. What if I miscarried? What if the general anesthesia hurt the baby? What if I got an infection? What if I went through having the cerclage placed and it doesn’t work? As I lay on the table in the cold operating room waiting for the anesthesiologist to administer the general anesthesia I glanced up at my doctor. Having known me for over six years he could tell I was very nervous and patting me on the hand he joked about silly names my husband and I should consider for the baby. The last thing I remembered before I fell asleep was giggling about how funny the name choices were.

Despite all of my concerns, I am happy to report that the procedure went very well. I had minimal cramping the day of and the next morning and although I was warned about bleeding, that was minimal as well. However, on the afternoon of day two I had some suspicious clear fluid that I immediately became concerned about and my back began to spasm. I couldn’t help but burst into tears, although tried to quickly get a hold of my emotions until my doctor could confirm what was going on. Thankfully, a quick trip to the doctor confirmed that the baby was okay and I was not leaking amniotic fluid as I had suspected.They were not sure what it was, but thankfully the ultrasound showed the baby was very active and happily growing in my normal womb, with normal amniotic fluids, and a normal heartbeat. Phew!

On Saturday, I will be 19 weeks pregnant and last week I had a close call that left me in tears and somewhat depressed. Find out in my next post what happened and the hint my last ultrasound gave away.

For more information on cervical cerclage, please visit