Incompetent Me: Week 19: Stay Inside

For the past two weeks I have spent more time resting on the couch than I have in my entire life. I wish I could say it's because I've just had that much free time. Being someone who's constantly on the go, and likes to keep my house at least somewhat orderly, I've had a hard time allowing others to help me. I realize though I don't really have a choice. Unfortunately, my follow-up appointment that I had been looking forward to since my cerclage procedure, did not go as I had planned. This appointment was supposed to be routine just to check on the cerclage as well as determine the sex of the baby.

When my husband and I made the decision to try for one more child, we knew there would be risks. I guess I just hoped that I wouldn't encounter any of them so soon. My OB appointment at 17 weeks gestation, started out normal enough. My husband took some time off work and met me at the doctors office so he could also learn the sex of our child and get to see the ultrasound live. The ultrasound tech and I joked around as we normally do. She has been my ultrasound tech for my last two pregnancies over the past several years and we have built a rapport. She normally takes her time allowing us to get a good glimpse of our baby on the monitor as well as tries to get some great images of our little one so we have a nice keepsake to take home. We share stories about our week, children, and generally just chat like old girlfriends while she is looking at the baby. Being a high risk pregnancy with my previous two pregnancies, I get an ultrasound at almost every appointment which does wonders to ease my mind. But this visit was different. I didn't get peace of mind, instead I gained one more reason for my already worried over-worked brain to conjure up images of "what if" scenarios.

During this particular appointment the technician had to do transvaginal ultrasound in order to have a good view of the cerclage and make sure that everything was still in place. We were also going to be measuring the size of the baby to make sure baby is growing, and determining if my posterior tilted uterus had started to return to a normal position. As soon as the exam started I noticed a familiar tightening at the top of my stomach near my upper ribs. It felt as if I had just completed a vigorous ab workout. I could clearly feel the baby moving around. My bladder suddenly felt very full and heavy. My tech was very quiet as she observed my cervix on the screen. Her lack of conversation was unusual for her.

In my normal chatty way, I began to tell her about some strange sensations that I had earlier in the week. "I don't think I am having contractions but my stomach has felt very full. It's a sensation that doesn't come and go, but has been more constant over the last 3 days. It also feels like my bladder is very full and is sort of painful." No answer. "I think I might just be constipated." I continued trying to break the silence and offer my self-diagnosis.

She looked over at me, smiled, and said "Do you both want to know the sex of the baby?" "Yes," my husband and I replied in unison. I thought perhaps everything was okay since she didn't respond to my initial comment. Finally, she replied "Congratulations! You're going to have some testosterone in your family! What I am looking at surely can't be another limb, considering where it is placed. We'll confirm though at your next appointment, I need to go talk to the doctor really quickly. Be right back."

I looked over at my husband and my heart sank. "Wait! You have to level with me before you walk out the door What's going on?" She sat back down and showed me the images from the ultrasound. She explained that when we first started the ultrasound she could clearly see my cerclage and everything looked great, but as she moved the probe around she suddenly saw the canal of the cervix open slightly and then promptly shut. She said this happened three times during the short exam. She also said that it was highly unusual and she needed to see what the doctor thought about it. She told me not to worry as the cerclage was doing its job to hold the cervix shut, but my mind couldn't help but suddenly revert to my last pregnancy and the day I was flipped upside down with my feet in the air in trendelenburg position. On that day I was told my baby wouldn't make it past 24 hours, but we were going to try to see if it would reverse the dilation of my cervix. My husband was speechless, but I could read his thoughts nonetheless and I tried to offer words of comfort but instead they sounded much like empty promises floating through the air. Here we go again. Damnit!

Your mind has a way of overreacting if you let it. I wasn't flipped upside down in trendelenburg position that day, instead I was told in no uncertain terms that I had to go home and get off my feet indefinitely until I got the baby to term. Apparently, my cervix was still closed, but it was working hard to try to open. I was having contractions and the pain on my bladder was due to the position of my posterior tilted uterus, the placement of the placenta and the location of the baby sitting right on my bladder. The reason I have been able to feel the babies movements so clearly, and so early, have been because of the placement of my uterus. Unfortunately, until my uterus began to tilt to a normal angle once my pregnancy progressed I would feel some uncomfortable movement on my bladder.

Relief and yet sudden grief set in. I began to go over all of my activities in the last three days from when I started to feel what in my heart I knew were contractions, but tried to convince myself were gastrointestinal complications. I confessed to the doctor that I had a sip of coffee on mother's day and that the night before my appointment we had pizza and I was craving a coke, so I had one -- a 20 oz bottle of coke.

"It was only 58mg and I read somewhere I could have under 200 mg. I never have caffeine while I am pregnant, but I've felt so good with this pregnancy, better than I have ever felt, and I didn't think some sips of coffee and a coke would cause so many problems." I told him hoping for some redemption. I continued in my I-always-say-too-much kind of way, "I also walked through Costco but we weren't there for long. I needed to get out of the house. But I rested for the entire day afterwards."

For more information on caffeine content in the foods and drinks you consume click this link: Caffeine Content

His left hand fell to rest on his hip and he rubbed his chin with the other hand. Brows furrowed he finally replied,"Christine, there are no second chances with this pregnancy. You have one chance to get it right." Ouch. It's not like I didn't know this. I mean, after all, I learned a painful lesson in my last pregnancy that I needed to slow down and not try to be super woman. Even though everyone spent a lot of time trying to convince me that the business trip I took just prior to my youngest daughters early delivery was not to blame, I still blame myself for going when I knew I wasn't feeling very well. When my daughter was in the neonatal intensive care unit for 97 days, a nurse offered her opinion that I should never have flown on a plane. That's what did it she told me matter-of-factly. My doctor of course said otherwise, but her words stung. I would never knowingly do something to harm my growing baby inside my womb. My children are my world.

I relented. I had no words. I screwed up. "Okay. I get it." He smiled at me, "I know I don't have to tell you these things. I know you get it, but I want you to realize this is the one time in your life when you can allow yourself to be a princess. Ask others for help. LET others help you. Stay off your feet. Let's get this baby to full term." He informed me that caffeine in any amount when you are a high risk pregnancy already is dangerous and that standing on my feet for long periods of time would put my pregnancy in jeopardy. He then said that the next step was hospital bed rest. I glanced over at my silent husband who had somehow managed to find a piece of Velcro of all things on the floor that he was winding around his finger over and over as he listened to the doctor. The Velcro made a scratching sound as he wound it around his finger and I realized at this point how scared he was. My husband had to return to work, but walking out to our cars he gave me a hug and a kiss and told me we would figure it out. I knew we would and I tried to think positively, but I couldn't help but wonder what the future held for our baby.

Luckily I had help the day of my appointment since my mom had been watching the girls for me. I slept the rest of the day, cried, mentally beat myself up, and felt miserable because the contractions were getting worse. By 3am the next morning I was so uncomfortable I felt like I had been working out my abs non-stop for days. I put in a call to the doctor and he was working at the hospital so he had me meet him there.I was starting to feel some relief from the tightening of my ab muscles, but my bladder was still feeling very uncomfortable. The monitors at the hospital showed I was having "uterine irritability" which combined with my ultrasound the day before showing the my cervix was attempting to open, meant I needed something to calm my uterus.

Needless to say, I am now on Procardia, a cardiac medication that is often used during pregnancy to help with slowing contractions. My doctor also started me on 17P progesterone shots to help with preventing premature labor. We had originally planned to start the shots at week 20, but in this instance my doctor felt it was important to start them now to prevent premature labor. In the hospital, they gave me a series of 3 Procardia pills spaced out every 20 minutes. The prescription I have at home is a 30mg time released dose that I take two times a day. Within an hour of receiving the Procardia in the hospital I immediately noticed a difference in my uterus and relief from my aching stomach muscles. One thing that I thought was strange was that although I had been emptying my bladder all day, it was still really hurting. It felt incredibly full as it had since my appointment the day before. After an hour and a half in the hospital I suddenly had to sprint to the bathroom where my bladder suddenly released. I had to laugh because it felt like I would never stop going to the bathroom. I felt immediate relief once my bladder was empty and after a couple hours in the hospital I was sent home to rest.

I have to say that Procardia is a strange medication. The first two nights after I started Procardia, I felt drunk and out of my head. It made me very, very hot and my face incredibly flushed with a bright red mask almost identical to a lupus butterfly rash. It also makes you very constipated. Not something a pregnant women needs to have since pregnancy already does a good job of slowing down the gastrointestinal tract. I have since become accustomed to Procardia, but it does cause some hilacious headaches and still does a number on me with the constipation. I was told to take Milk of Magnesia every night to help and it is actually a great medication, it just tastes terrible. Even though my doctor doesn't want me having caffeine of any sort, he told me to get Excedrin Migraine for my migraine headaches that I am now getting. When my husband brought home the Excedrin I read the ingredients and burst out laughing that it has as much caffeine it as the coke I had a couple of nights before my ultrasound! Surely he didn't mean for me to take this?

The progesterone shots are administered by injection into the flesh of my gluteus maximus, alternating cheeks weekly. Although everything I have read states that there is minimal pain, I disagree. It hurts a lot. The progesterone is thick and seems to take forever to be injected. I hurt for about two days afterwards and have troubles sitting due to a stinging, burning sensation when pressure is applied to the injection site, whih of course is everytime I sit down. Because I am on aspirin as well, I bleed a lot afterwards and get a bruise that lasts for more than a week. But it is worth it, if the shot saves my baby's life. I was telling someone the other day, I've been through worse so I can handle this shot.

I am doing my best to take it easy. It's definitely been a roller coaster as it is hard to lay around when you have a precocious 4 year old and high energy 2 year old. I didn't want to impose on anyone to help me with this pregnancy and was hoping I wouldn't have to, but my mom has been wonderful and I am lucky that I have had someone to lean on. I can certainly feel when it is getting close to time to take my Procardia because I start to get that uncomfortable feeling in my stomach. I am hoping and praying that I can get this baby to a point where he will live and not be born prematurely. I am going to heed my doctors advice and although my youngest daughter will be starting some new therapies where we will have people coming to the house, they will just have to understand if my house isn't spotless like it usually would be.

My next doctor appointment and ultrasound is tomorrow (Monday) and I will hopefully have an ultrasound picture that I can share with everyone. I feel the baby move daily. His kicks are incredibly strong. Even though they have to still confirm the sex of the baby, I feel confident I am carrying a boy just because this pregnancy has been exponentially different than my last two. Will post again later this week after my appointment.

For more information: