Traumatic Events - Do our cells have a memory?

I promised in my last post to share something that happened to me last week at 24 weeks and 2 days that I described as ‘strange.’  Some may read this post and it won’t make sense, they will be skeptical. However, I suspect that there are some who will completely understand and be able to identify. Those who have also experienced this phenomenon may not have spoken about it, or may have shared it with someone and were told it was all in their head and to move on. I don’t claim to have the answers to what happened, but I do know it was very real to me. I am going to discuss cellular memory, a controversial topic but one that I welcome comments and discussion.

Me & my family 2 months before I went into the hospital
at 21 weeks pregnant with my youngest daughter.

The theory behind cell memory is that memory is encoded at the cellular level, meaning that each cell in our bodies has the ability to store memory of physical trauma such as surgeries, cuts, scrapes, etc, and emotional trauma such as fear, anger, abuse, etc. So for instance, when your brain recalls a memory you generally are able to get a “picture” of the event,  but when your cells retrieve a memory it results in pain or what ever sensation that organ may have experienced during the traumatic event. The scientific community has doubted the existence of cell memory because there is not a scientific way to measure the phenomenon. However, more research is being conducted because those who have experienced post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) will often times experience physical sensations along with their visual memory stimulated by the brain. Experts on this phenomenon assert that a person does not have to re-experience the trauma in order to be healed, but can use intention or verbal processing about the memory and change thought patterns leading to more healthy ones freeing the person of negative connotations associated with the traumatic event.

For more information on cellular memory, please visit one of the following sites:

·         http://www.sedonaheartwalk.com/CellularMemory.pdf

·         http://www.aaets.org/article30.htm

·         http://www.spiritualityseeker.com/cellular-memory.htm

 


Year 2008 - Daddy sharing a quiet moment with our
baby girl,  4 months old. She had been home
from the hopital for less than a month.
At barely over 4 lbs we thought she was huge!

Approaching my 24th week of pregnancy with my baby boy made me nervous. In fact, it scared me. Yes, I knew the risks of getting pregnant again after 3 years ago delivering a micro-preemie 16 weeks early. And yes, I get why there are those close to my hubby and I who have made comments and thought it was their business to offer opinions on the choices we have made to grow our family. I reiterate once again that I did do research prior to get pregnant and I am still confident it was the right decision to grow our family, but after all I am only human and I do have feelings. 



It’s no secret to those close to me that what I experienced hanging out almost upside down in the hospital for 16 days trying to stay pregnant with my micro-preemie daughter, combined with her stressful birth, her 3 months in the NICU, and her first year of life when she came home still critical took a huge toll on me emotionally.  I had post traumatic stress disorder and had to go through therapy to work through it. When I came home after her birth I felt disoriented and often woke up with night sweats unable to figure out where I was and why my bed wasn’t in trendelenburg. My husband usually had to hold me and tell me I was at home, that I had given birth to our baby girl, and she was still in neonatal intensive care unit (NICU).  I developed a very serious infection in my female organs five days after her birth that left me septic and landed me back in the ER. This same infection also developed in my baby girls lungs 5 days after her birth and eventually led to her lung complications.

2008 - Me & my oldest daughter.
I'm 22 weeks pregnant & in my hospital bed
in trendelenburg position trying to stay
pregnant with my youngest. Notice how the
electical plugs are higher than my head.



With my current pregnancy, the closer I came to 24 weeks and 2 days pregnant the more fearful I became. I wanted the day to rush past so I could get to 24 weeks and 3 days pregnant, a milestone that I was at least one day further with my baby boy. I wasn't sure what to expect when I reached this milestone based on my heartbreaking experience of the early birth of my youngest daughter, but I found it to be mixture of both relief and a strange sort of anguish within my growing womb for what my daughter had to go through to be here and what I hoped my baby boy would never have to endure.  

What I discovered last Sunday, at 24 weeks and 2 days, was that not only did my mind remember that day almost 3 years ago when I was forced to deliver my baby girl early, but my uterus seemed to have a cellular memory of the experience as well. It was almost as if, with my current pregnancy, I relived her birth both in the physical sensations of the emergency c-section, the infection in my body, and the emotional anguish as well.  It made me wonder, was it my mind playing tricks on me or was my uterus somehow remembering too?

At the exact moment in my current gestation when the doctor would have begun the process of the emergency c-section to remove my youngest daughter almost 3 years ago, I began to experience pain in my lower abdomen near my c-section scar, my abdomen felt very tender and hurt to touch. I felt physically exhausted, started having a hot flash, and an intense headache began to throb all over my head. I suddenly felt highly emotional and wanted to burst into tears. I couldn’t get past the fact that up until that point I felt okay and had made it a point to rest most of the morning not walking around very much.  Not understanding what was happening I felt somewhat panicked wondering if something was going on with my current pregnancy.  Was I having contractions? Was something wrong? Was I going to also deliver my baby boy early too? I immediately took myself to my room to lay down and try to alleviate the pain. As I lay down I glanced up at the clock and realized what time it was. It was the exact same time over 3 years ago that I would have been laying on the operating table as they frantically worked to remove my daughter from my septic womb to save her life.


2008 - July 4rth  Me & My oldest daughter
Blissfully unaware that anything would go wrong
with my pregnancy. 25 days later I was admitted to the
hospital and diagnosed with an incompetent cervix

 Yes, I had an emergency c-section in a hospital setting, but it was a disturbing way to give birth knowing that just by being removed from my body, the doctors gave her a 20% chance to live meaning she had an 80% chance she would die. With both arms strapped down and a large blue cloth hiding her "birth" I never really got to see her after she was born. In fact, I didn't get to hold her for the first month of her life.

During the c-section, I did have a spinal block, but I felt all the tugging and pulling and I even encountered pain as she moved up into my ribs as they were removing her from my body.  As soon as they removed her, she couldn't breathe on her own and was hooked to a vent to breathe for her, placed in an incubator, and rushed upstairs. They rushed past the surgical table where I lay as they were running her to the NICU, but with arms still outstretched on the table, and doctors working on me, I could only slightly move my head to see her bed, never once seeing her frail body. I spent time in recovery as my spinal wore off and searing pain began. I was very ill that night so I didn’t get to see my baby girl in her incubator in the NICU until the next day in the afternoon.

When I saw her for the first time the next day, I was stunned. Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw.  She was not even the size of a small doll and there were so many tubes and wires hooked to her that they engulfed her tiny body. Her entire body vibrated with the oscillating ventilator that breathed for her and her eyes still fused shut, seemed to be wincing in pain. They didn't even have diapers to fit her and the make shift ones that they used were smaller than the palm of my hand and were so big on her that they covered part of her chest.

So it should be no surprise that making it past 24 weeks and 2 days in my current pregnancy with my baby boy is something that I consider a colossal milestone. And yes, I did make it through that day, last Sunday, and no there wasn’t anything wrong with my current pregnancy. I had an intense headache the rest of the day, but after the point where my daughter would have been born the symptoms lessened and eventually disappeared. And ironically, I no longer seem to have the same terror that generally went through my mind daily about delivering him early before or at 24 weeks. It was as if my body realized “ok, I’m experiencing it again, but there’s still a baby there!”


Year 2011 - My youngest daughter today at age 2
(Birth weight 1 lb 5 1/2 ounces.
Born at 24 weeks)

He is now a week bigger and stronger than my daughter would have been when she was born at 24 weeks and 2 days. Although I will also have to deliver him by c-section as well due to the way my uterus was cut open with my daughters birth I am mentally prepared for his delivery. I hope it won't have to be an emergency c-section, but I am prepared for what might happen if it is. I now know what to expect and I feel such a huge sense of relief.  I believe that I experienced cellular memory, and in doing so it helped me work past my post traumatic stress disorder that I thought I had already worked through. I can honestly say that I don’t feel as stressed about everything, and even my oldest daughter noticed and commented on it. I am just enjoying my pregnancy and starting to feel very excited for the day when we get to meet him.

Now, if we could just come up with a name for him!  I welcome comments, thoughts, and discussion on cellular memory, whether it is related to a traumatic birth or any other experience.