GUEST POST: Angela's Story

Last week, I promised that I would start hosting a guest post each week from a reader who has also suffered an incompetent cervix and everything that comes with it.  This week, I would like to introduce you to a woman that I met on this blog.  Her name is Angela, and our stories are strikingly similar even down the names of our oldest children, but she and her husband had to endure a decision that no parent should ever have to make. Her story touched my heart and spoke to my soul.  She is currently pregnant as well and, like me, has faced many of the same fears. Please feel free to place your comments at the end of this blog to give her encouragement as she too holds her breath as she makes it through each day, and each week with her current pregnancy. Thank you Angela for taking the time to share your inspiring story with us. Without further ado, here is her story in her own words.

Angela’s Journey

My name is Angela and I am a military wife and mother of two, currently pregnant with my third. I also have a very mild case of Cerebral Palsy. My first child Michaela was born completely healthy at 37 weeks in 2009, a couple months later we found out we were pregnant again. Things were going great. My husband was getting ready to change duty stations and we were preparing to go Spain for 3 years.  Things were so hectic that I missed what would have been my last OB appointment in the country, but honestly I thought nothing of it. Four days before we were scheduled to ship out I was 24 weeks pregnant and felt cramping so I called L&D and was told to take it easy and drink some water. I did and kept having a feeling that I needed to use the bathroom -- so I sat there pushing.

After a while I felt something down there. I honestly thought it was her head and I was giving birth on the toilet like something out of "I didn’t know I was pregnant". I started to freak out, got my daughter ready who was 9 months old at the time at called my husband. He rushed us to the nearest hospital and I went straight to L&D only to have the nurses’ laugh at me and tell me that it wasn’t her head and that if I needed to use the bathroom to just use it. I asked one of the nurses to stay with me while I did just in case something happened she said yes and then after I was on the toilet, walked away. I started demanding they call my doctor. Finally after they did that, one of the nurses checked my cervix and the doctor was brought in. I was 10 centimeters dilated and it wasn’t her head I was feeling but my bag of water!

Things happened so quickly after that it was quite a blur, I was sent to an emergency c-section an hour later. Molly Marie was born at 1lb 10oz. I didn’t even hear her cry. I had never heard of a baby being born that early. I wasn’t aware of the roller coaster we had just boarded. A part of me thought that I would even leave the hospital with my baby. I was introduced to Molly’s doctor. I was given a rundown of what would happen. I was in such a daze, everything had happened so fast. All I knew is that Molly was here and I needed to see her. I don’t remember how long I had to wait, feels like years, but a couple hours later I saw her. She was so beautiful… I couldn’t believe how much she looked like her older sister.



Molly - Born at 24 weeks and 5 days  Weight: 1lb 10 oz.

A few days later I remember my husband and I took turns waiting with Michaela in the waiting room so we could each go in to see Molly. I remember how anxious I was to see her open her little eyes. The doctor asked me to come into the nursing room with him and he told me how she was doing. He told me she had two grade 4 brain bleeds and the complications that caused. I remember feeling of total shock, like I was hit by a truck. He told me that she would need to be transferred to the closest children’s hospital and have a shunt placed.

On Father’s Day 2010 my husband was airlifted to LACH with Molly. Now instead of her being 20 minutes away, she was 1hr 20 minutes away. With only one car and our financial situation we couldn’t go and visit her everyday like we were doing before. I started to call…a lot. I got extremely upset one day when I asked a nurse for an update and she told me that "Molly was very sick". I felt like screaming "Well yes, I know she was born 16 freaking weeks early, WHAT IN THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN???" She had the shunt placed in and was battling 4 infections. I was pumping at the time and was so proud of my supply. So happy that I could do at least this for her. After so many discouraging phone calls, I stopped pumping. I couldn’t bare look at all that milk.

We visited her at that hospital a couple of times and even stayed at the Ronald McDonald house 4th of July weekend because it was a long weekend. It was at this visit that her doctors told us we should think about Care and Comfort. I remember staying up hours talking about what the doctors told us while our daughter, Michaela, slept in the portacrib next to us. We wouldn’t make a decision then... a couple weeks went by and we kept talking about it. I reached out to so many moms of preemies and talked to anyone that would listen. I had a conversation with my OB about it and I was so grateful for him and his knowledge. We went back to the hospital, talked to all of her doctors again, saw scans and most importantly saw her face. She looked so tired. We decided then to let her be with God.

She passed away in my arms ten minutes after they took her off the vent.  Wow --  its been a year and some odd months and it still hurts to see that sentence…

I Googled everything I could and researched my little heart out. I was so worried I wouldn’t be able to have any more children. We waited sometime before talking about it and even more time before talking to my OB and he gave us the go ahead to start trying again. He told me that I would be seen by him and a perinatalogist and told me that he would like to have a cerclage placed in at around 13 weeks and possibly be given P17 shots. Having a plan of action helped me, calmed me. 

In March of 2011 we got pregnant again. I was such a ball of nerves. At 14 weeks I had the cerclage stitches put in place and at 17 weeks started seeing my perinatologist and getting my P17 shot, which my husband gives me every Friday. I am on modified bedrest, which means I cannot pick up my oldest daughter Michaela and should be off my feet as much as humanly possible with a toddler and a dachshund!

I am extremely happy to say that today I am 25 weeks and 3 days pregnant and my cervix is 3.8 and my stitch looks GREAT. They estimate her current weight at 1lb10oz, same as my Molly girl when she was born. Her name will be Charlotte Rose. Every day that passes is a milestone, Every kick reassurance, Every bowel movement terrifying.

Written by:  Angela

Thank you again Angela for sharing your journey with us. I know how hard it was to share your experience with incompetent cervix and the loss of your beautiful daughter, Molly.  She was an incredibly beautiful little angel. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family as you make it through each week with your current pregnancy. Blessings to you.