I've made it to week 31!!!!!!!!!!!

Today I am 31 weeks!  31 weeks! Can you believe it? I feel as if I have lived a lifetime in that 31 weeks.

As I sit and write this I can’t help but think of everything that has happened thus far with my pregnancy – the emotions and elation when we first discovered I was pregnant, the mixed reactions from those close to us when they first found out I was pregnant, cursing my body when my damn cervix began funneling in week 17 and then when my cervix shortened in week 20, the happiness when I realized that the cervix is a muscle and can lengthen (which it did), the late nights silently worrying to myself about whether or not I would get past 24 weeks, the relief I felt as those close to us began to relax a bit and enjoy the fact that a new little one was on the way, and the celebration for every week that we made it through. 

It's all been worth it.  

I know that I still have a ways to go to get him to term, but I also know that if something were to happen at this point his lungs and overall development would be so much further than where my daughter was at 24 weeks. Of course, I fully expect and believe that I will get him well past the point where there will be no question about his viability.

Last week at 29 weeks and 5 days pregnant, I went in for my regular cervical check and was happy to discover that my cervix measured at 3.6 cm in length.  Yay!  My ultrasound tech said that she feels confident I will get to 38 weeks. I realize she can’t really predict these things, but I have to say that her confidence makes me feel really great.  I know that she has seen a lot and has been in this field for many, many years and in addition has also been an ultrasound tech in the NICU, so I value her prediction. I have another cervical check ultrasound coming up on Monday next week and I feel confident that my cervix will behave.

Picture courtest of
 http://www.thegreendoula.com/

Up until now the baby has been in birth position with head down, but last night I watched my stomach change shape as my baby boy repositioned causing my stomach to go completely hard while I felt him moving around in what has now become a very tight space. Based on how my tummy looks I would venture to guess that he is now in transverse position, which means he is basically laying across my stomach. (See below pic courtesy of www.thegreendoula.com)

The irony of this is that although he is not pushing on my cervix like he has been in birth position, it hurts more because his body feels like it is stretched out across my belly with his head pressing on my bladder, elbow planted firmly in my belly button and a foot pushing through my ribs. Ouch! Let’s just say that I thought I had bladder leakage problems before, but now I am terrified to sneeze. I have no idea at this point how my stomach can possibly stretch any further to accommodate his growth. BUT I am not complaining because it means he is still inside of me and is growing.  I will be very interested to know how much the doctor estimates he weighs at this point. I have that on my list of questions to ask at my next appointment.

In the last couple of weeks, we have had a lot of things going on for our family that have represented growth and positive change. My generous, insightful, and thoughtful younger sister threw us a baby shower last weekend. It was very special and we welcomed this party as a chance to celebrate how far we have come not only with the pregnancy, but as a family.

We enjoyed celebrating with everyone and I was amazed at all the cute things they make nowadays for boys. It was such a refreshing day just to be in the moment. Our oldest daughter, Makaila, was in charge of opening up the presents and exclaiming “Oh Wow!” at everything she pulled out of the brightly wrapped packages. 

Our youngest, Mackenzie (aka Kenzie), was in charge of trying to wrangle everything away to use for her baby dolls. (We had to hide the diapers because she thought they were definitely for her dolls. Afterall, they are the right size!)

I realize this will be baby #3 for us and most people don’t usually get a shower, but for one I think all babies are cause for celebration and two for those of you with preemies who have been through the trauma of the NICU with the long nights that drag into months holding your breath waiting for the dreaded calls that come just as you finally clear your head briefly to drift into sleep, the terror you feel when they finally release your child from the NICU and you wonder how you will manage without the nurses, the long days and nights as you learn about the aftermath that prematurity leaves on a child as they grow older, the stress it places on your entire family, a baby shower represents life, simplicity, happiness and the pureness of all celebrations.

And for a brief moment you forget. You forget that your pregnancy is anything but normal you just relish the tiny clothes, the smell of the baby lotion, and the happy faces that surround you.



Makaila's first day of kindergarten 2011

In continuing with our busy week, we started a new chapter in our lives. Our oldest daughter Makaila started kindergarten.

She was so scared, but so very brave. Armed with her new backpack that was half her size, she walked into her classroom sat down at her assigned seat and looked up at us with the most trusting eyes. The rest of the week, she took some time to adjust to her new routine having a few meltdowns and wardrobe protests because she is very, very picky about her clothing. Certain fabrics bother her and she is also going through a phase where she is a fashionista and nothing in her closet is "right."  I have no idea where she gets this from! *smile* My husband right now is grimmacing since she  certainly takes after me.

We are so proud of her because in the scheme of things, she, more than anyone in our family, has had to adjust to many big changes in life. Going from being an only child to having a preemie sister who spent months in the NICU, and then trying to be a patient big sister attempting to understand all of the attention little sister gets with continued developmental therapies, specialists for her sisters lung and health issues, and sensory integration issues that often result in her sisters extreme behavior, it has been hard on her. It does seem like the children who are siblings of preemies and special needs children often get somewhat ignored because you have to concentrate so much on the child who needs you the most at the moment. But Makaila is a trooper and we feel that kindergarten is going to give her something of her own to be proud of. She’s an incredibly smart, imaginative and gifted child with many, many talents. She keeps us entertained with her performances singing Selena Gomez on her karaoke machine or coming up with a short stories that we usually have to put to paper.

Our youngest, Kenzie, starts pre-school with the school district next week after her third birthday.  In school, she will receive developmental therapies such as occupational therapy, speech, and physical therapy.

Kenzie has been in developmental therapies her entire life as she has many developmental delays that are just part of being a preemie as well as part of a brain injury that we just discovered this year that she sustained in the NICU.  It led to the complete loss of the left side of her cerebellum and although her right side has compensated, she is quite clumsy and in need of help from occupational therapists and continued physical therapy. She also has some speech delays as she did not start talking until earlier this year after having ear tubes placed last October due to multiple ear infections.

But she is such a strong child emotionally and physically, incredibly smart with such a zest for life and everything in it.  She takes nothing for granted. She appreciates everything. We are confident she will catch up with her peers.  Her sheer determination has already proved to us that nothing will ever stand in her way. We are so grateful for the district program and although she has never left my side, other than for me to run a quick errand as a family member watched her, I think the teacher and the various developmental specialists, will do a world of good for her.  I worry that she might catch something that would hurt her fragile lungs and land her back in the hospital, but her pulmonologist and I talked and although there is that possibility we (Daddy, Mommy & her pulmonologist) recognize that she needs the social factor and she needs to be doing age appropriate activities by the time she reaches kindergarten age. Plus her classroom will be right next to her big sisters so we feel great about that.

Since both of our girls have birthdays within two days of each other, we will have their combined birthday party tomorrow. Both girls are super excited. It marks another milestone for our family.  With one child turning 5 and another turning 3, our family has overcome a lot with everything that has happened since Kenzie’s birth.  Life is about milestones and ultimately about changes. Nothing ever stays the same and frankly why would we want it to? Stability is good, but becoming stagnant is depressing. I welcome change as I am never one to leave even my furniture arranged the same way for longer than a few months, but I know that life changes like what we have been through even in the last year do take time to adjust. Change represents growth and our family has certainly grown closer as a result of all that we have been through.  I think by the time our baby boy enters this world, life will be more settled and our girls will be ready to welcome their baby brother with open arms. 

Before I close my post for this week, I wanted to share an idea that I have decided to introduce.  Many of my readers have shared their personal stories of triumph and heartache with incompetent cervix and giving birth to a preemie. Some of you share stories strikingly similar to mine, others have endured so much heartache they are not sure they could ever try again for another child. For the next several weeks, I will be hosting a “guest post” on my site and giving one reader each week a chance to share their story on my site. I am doing this because your stories have touched my heart and I think others need to hear them.

Incompetent Cervix is more common than most people think and as I always say incompetent cervix is not a life sentence. It is something to overcome, but does not mean you are destined to never try again for another child. If you are interested in sharing your story to be published on my blog, please email me your story along with a picture to be included to incompetentmeblog@gmail.com. Subject line should read: Guest Post.  (Please edit your story for publication. I can do minor edits, but would prefer if they were publication ready. ) 

The first story I will be introducing next week comes from a brave and strong woman I met on this blog.  Her name is Angela and her story is one of heartache and triumph. She too is pregnant again after an incompetent cervix diagnosis, but she suffered a loss that no mother should ever have to endure. Like me, she too has had her own fears about being pregnant again.  Look for her story in her own words next week...